My Buzzsaw Nanopet Is Chewing Off Your Face!

EVERYone needs a Nanopet.

Why? Well, for one, they follow you anywhere. The Buzzsaw model comes in 3 sizes, and they are slavishly loyal to your every command. But wait! There’s more! Like all nanopets, they are created in a capsule-sized NanoLab, which (as you no doubt know) is comfortably inserted into a section of your bowel by the gentle and loving hands of your neighborhood proctological manufacturing specialist. Like last year’s runaway Christmas best-seller, the AssMaggot, this Nanopet is built from a tiny army of microscopic nanofacturing modules that use semi-digested waste from your body’s ample store as raw materials.

Once fully constructed, just bend over and whistle! Your loving, pseudo-furry Nanopet is ready to serve your every need! The Buzzsaw–when fully rendered and in ‘Kitty Kitty Mode’–resembles a cute, adorable kitten! You’ll love Kitty’s big, melancholy eyes, perky whiskers, and 16-bit sampled “Meow!”

But there’s EVEN MORE!

When you whisper the factory-programmed command word (the default command word is “and”), your adorable Nanopet breaks down into 17,950 flying stainless steel ‘Minions of Deth!’ Each Minion sports a Tough-N-Tiny ™ 5mm diameter water-cooled buzzsaw with diamond-analog blades and a pressurized Gore Vacuum to keep your NanoPet purring like new!

Let’s hear what one of our customers says about his new Nanopet!

“At first, I was a little reluctant to have a device capable of morphing in nearly 18,000 whirling saw-blades up my keister,” said Wallace S. from Beaumont, Texas. “But the sales rep said they were safe and….AAAHHHHHHGGGGHHHHH!”

(Gov. Recall Notice Number 4,345,789,463.8): Please reset the factory-preset command word BEFORE anal implantation.)

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