Fly Killah

Recently, US President Obama–during a television interview–was witnessed MURDERING an innocent, much smaller creature. A housefly. The reaction to this bloodthirsty crime was horror and disbelief by many of my fellow Americans. Could it be that we had elected a coldblooded killer as our commander-in-chief?

Uhm…not quite. The horror and repulsion was mostly courtesy of the gnat-wits at PETA (aka the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). Despite the fact that flies are actually insects, we have been instructed to consider the pests as our mammalian brothers. Apparently it’s not enough that we stop eating meat, eggs, and dairy (Meat Is Murder)…we’re also supposed to gently nudge flies, cockroaches, spiders, scorpions, and wasps from our humble domiciles with some gentle cooing and perhaps a promise of sexual favors or an appropriate gift or monetary bribe.

PETA sent Obama a sternly-worded missive asking/commanding the Chief Executive to replace White House flyswatters with some sort of device (apparently owing much to the design of the vacuum) that can capture our insect brethren without the need to squish them into the Oval Office’s carpet.

Things have gone too far, folks. Insects are NOT our brethren. They are like…well…like little robots. They are BUGS and they deserve no hugs. I say: Kill! Kill the robots…er…insects! Smash them! Beat them! Fumigate their nests with choking, burning, killing POISON! Break their nests and set their little wormy children on fire! Suffer not a BUG to live! DO YOUR AMERICAN DUTY, FELLOW PATRIOTS!

Peta…get a grip. You had me with the baby seals. Why screw up a good thing?


1 Comment

  1. He wouldn’t kill a fly? He is responsible for the blood of the pirates of Somalia on his hands! The protestors in Iran are being held for protecting their vote against political oppression. We are dumb! It is time for people to realize that the nuclear trigger in North Korea meets our reaction, more interviews on MEET THE PRESS to express our outrage. If words could change the world, then our President has it covered. If actions matter, then he can join the beachcomber political prisoners beach combing in Bermuda collecting star fish. He can become a school of fish community organizer.

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