My Dog Is An Alien: Meet BUSTAH

I’d like to take a couple moments to introduce my dog, Bustah.

Bustah is a three year old Boston Terrier who was born part of a small litter of puppies in Huntsville, Alabama. Bustah and his mom don’t talk anymore after she admitted she wasn’t exactly sure who his daddy was. Bustah says she’s just a bitch and that she’s probably already forgotten he was even born.

He has the characteristic black-and-white BT coat, with hints of red-brindle markings. Like his cousins the pit bulls, Bustah has tremendous jaw strength–in fact, when he yawns and you take a look at his upper jaw and the shape of his skull, it’s difficult to see the difference between Bustah and a young American Staffordshire Terrier (the AKC’s version of the pit bull). He chews up chunks of chicken-flavored raw hide like the chainsaw guy in Scarface

Bustah likes to play with a red, hard-rubber ball I bought at PetsMart. He will bite you if you try to take his ball away. Which is kinda funny since he doesn’t actually have his own balls anymore–something he blames on “some idiot vet” he bit on the hand before being drugged and waking up in a dingy hotel bathroom, in a tub full of ice. Bustah told me there was a message scrawled on the bathroom mirror in what looked like lipstick: “Your balls are gone,” it read.

You might have noticed my references to things Bustah  “said”. That’s not meant to be cutesy. He can really talk, though his English is pretty bad. That’s because Bustah isn’t REALLY a Boston Terrier–or a dog, for that matter–at all; Bustah is an Alien Dictator from the planet Hyperbole in the OnStar VII galaxy.

He can see the future, move small objects with the power of his mind, speaks 437 languages including most of the major languages of Earth (except for Spanish), and can perform thorough diagnostic scans of living things by sniffing their asses.

Of course, Kibbles-n-Bits don’t pay for themselves, as I’ve often reminded him. So he’s agreed to help me with my blog ( in return for room and board. I think I’m getting the better deal, since Alien Dictators don’t come around every day, now do they?

By the way…just in case you think I’m yanking your collar…Bustah was adopted from a family in Huntsville. The lady I adopted him from is an engineer at NASA (no, really, she is). Bustah told me that his people are incorporeal–like ghosts. The NASA engineers give them dog bodies so they’re easier to keep track of.


1 Comment

  1. This is very interesting. All i know is that they are very sensitive to the tone of one’s voice. Boston’s like to learn and therefore are not difficult to train. Their intelligence ensures they pick things up quickly.

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