Lust: It’s whats for dinner

The Internet is the World’s Greatest Lust Engine. Whether it’s porn (in the flavor of your choice), food or drugs (ditto the flavor choices), the object(s) of your affection or obsession–be it person, place or thing–can be found, bought, discussed, and analyzed…further adding to the collective obsession concerning the Object of desire.

When I was a student at Daytona Beach College I wrote an essay on online ethics in which I suggested porn should be relegated to a sexually-permissive section of the eversticky World Wide Web, to be thereafter known by the suffix .sex. Or, alternatively, .xxx. But of course, that would decently cover only sex…leaving uncovered all the other myriad subjects of human obsession. (Though it would allow a certain measure of control over mature subject matter without imposing any rigid censorship methodology…which was my intent…)

Following hedonism to its logical, lusty conclusion (release), I spend some of my limited time online researching objects of affection, many of which are well-remembered pieces of my childhood: food and toys. The Internet is a great place to relive pieces of one’s past that have been dissolved in the acid-bath of memory…there are ALWAYS people who remember pieces of the past you may have forgotten…and OCD is alive and well in the minutae of desire.

For me, childhood food memories are far and away a different beast than my tastes as an adult. And many of the fondnesses I recall have been rather difficult to hunt down. Some of them, however, are still out there. Take for example two of my favorite fast food restaurants as a kid: Roy Rogers and Arthur Treacher’s Fish’nChips.

Both were founded in 1969…the same year I was born. My mother would take my brother and I to feast on roast beef sandwiches and french fries at Roy Rogers fairly regularly. Arthur Treacher’s was a rarer treat…probably because Mom wasn’t overly fond of fried fish drenched in malt vinegar. Both restaurants disappeared from the Central Florida fast food scene in the 1970’s. I’m still a member of the Roy Rogers Buckaroo Club, by the way.

I can well-remember the rare, red and salty slices of warm roast beef, folded in tight pink perfection across a yeasty Kaiser roll…I remember actually drooling before I even got to the front door. You didn’t even need barbecue sauce…and this was a FAST FOOD RESTAURANT!!  The dining room was nice and cool, the air stirred by wooden-paddle ceiling fans. There were seats for kids made from old wooden barrels, and long wooden tables. ROY ROGERS was spelled out in hanks of rope, along with examples of various knots…competing for space along walls festooned with pictures of cowboys like…well, like Roy Rogers.

The Internet has brought both restaurants back from distant memory. And now I can see full-color digital pictures of the foods I have for so long lusted after in my dreams…still out of reach, as there are no restaurants within a day’s drive or more from the van down by the river where I live.

Thus the Internet is, as smarter folks have long known, more a source for frustration than fufilment.

And what do many of us do when we find starlets and supermodels unavailable for marriage?

We go to an Arby’s and shut up.


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